Re: adv-www: (fwd)

[Jeff Nesbitt <jsn1@Ra.MsState.Edu>]

this is from someone I had in a clas last semester

Subject: (Fwd) Humor:  Microsoft vs. The Borg! <eg> (fwd)



Microsoft vs. the Borg

(Picard) "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at
finding a weakness in the
Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command
pathways?"

(Geordi) "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching
through our archives on late
Twentieth-century computing technology."

(Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.)

(Riker looks puzzled.) "What the hell is 'Microsoft'?"

(Data turns to answer.) "Allow me to explain. We will send this program,

for some reason called
'Windows', through the Borg command pathways. Once inside their root
command unit, it will begin
consuming system resources at an unstoppable rate."

(Picard) "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their

processing systems to
increase their storage capacity?"

(Data) "Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows' detects this, it creates a new
version of itself known as
an 'upgrade'. The use of resources increases exponentially with each
iteration. The Borg will not be
able to adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing ability

will be taken over and none
will be available for their normal operational functions."

(Picard) "Excellent work. This is even better than that 'unsolvable
geometric shape' idea."

. . . 15 Minutes Later . . .

(Data) "Captain, We have successfully installed the 'Windows' in the
command unit and as expected
it immediately consumed 85% of all resources. We however have not
received any confirmation of
the expected 'upgrade'."

(Geordi) "Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and
CPU capacity to
compensate, but we still have no indication of an 'upgrade' to
compensate for their increase."

(Picard) "Data, scan the history banks again and determine if their is
something we have missed."

(Data) "Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the
'upgrade'. Appearently the Borg have
circumvented that part of the plan by not sending in their registration
cards.

(Riker) "Captain we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin
emergency escape sequence
3F . . ."

(Geordi, excited) "Wait, Captain; I just detected their CPU capacity has

suddenly dropped to 0%
!"

(Picard) "Data, what do your scanners show?"

(Data) "Appearently the Borg have found the internal 'Windows' module
named 'Solitaire' and it has
used up all the CPU capacity."

(Picard) "Lets wait and see how long this 'solitaire' can reduce their
functionality."

. . . Two Hours Pass . . .

(Riker) "Geordi, what's the status on the Borg?"

(Geordi) "As expected the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to
compensate for increased CPU
and storage demands, but each time they successfully increase resources
I have setup our closest
deep space monitor beacon to transmit more 'windows' modules from
something called the
'Microsoft fun-pack'.

(Picard) "How much time will that buy us ?"

(Data) "Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an interest
time span of 6 more hours."

(Geordi) "Captain, another vessel has entered our sector."

(Picard) "Identify."

(Data) "It appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft'
logo"

(Over the speakers) "THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT
=46LAGSHIP
MONOPOLY. WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE
IN THIS SECTOR. SURREDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE.
YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS"

(Data) "The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and released
thousands of humanoid
shaped objects."

(Picard) "Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft"

(Riker) "Good God captain! Those are humans floating straight toward the

Borg ship with no life
support suits ! How can they survive the tortures of deep space ?!"

(Data) "I don't believe that those are humans sir, if you will look
closer I believe you will see that
they are carrying something recognized by twenty-first century man as
doe skin leather briefcases,
and wearing Armani suits"

(Riker and Picard together (horrified)) "Lawyers !!"

(Geordi) "It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent hurtling

into the sun in 2017 during
the Great Awakening."

(Data) "True, but appearently some must have survived."

(Riker) "They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with all

types of papers."

(Data) "I believe that is known in ancient venacular as 'red tape' it
often proves fatal."

(Riker) "They're tearing the Borg to pieces !"

(Picard) "Turn off the monitors. I can't stand to watch, not even the
Borg deserve that."